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Here's the beef / Bonnie Thomas Abbott -- How to tell the difference between your mother and your dog / Henry Alford -- Two pooch or not to pooch? / Jon Bowen -- I done them wrong: how I wrecked my daughter's self-esteem and my dog's sex life / Cathy Crimmins -- The dog mumbler / Merrill Markoe -- How to change your adopted dog's name to the name you want in under six months / Brian Frazer -- All the bags and Dante and me / Pam Houston -- How you can help your dog enjoy a visit to the vet / Michael J. Rosen and Mark Allen Svede -- Better than you / Jon Glaser -- Lucas / Haven Kimmel -- Ball and chain / William Wegman -- Dog of the day / Laurie Notaro -- Home on the mange / Neal Pollack -- Dog whores / Margaret Cho -- A catwoman in dogland / Kathe Koja -- Kirby / Al Franken -- A second act / Alice Elliott Dark -- Littermate / Marga Gomez -- Dog mad / Lee Harrington -- Confessions of an amateur pickup artist / David Malley -- Pillow talk / Gregory Edmont -- The seven-month itch / Nancy Cohen -- Play dead, my darling / Jeff Ward -- Where the dogs are / Dan Zevin -- A plea for canine acceptance / Phil Austin -- The good place: a play in one act / Roy Blount Jr. -- Untitled / Gary Baseman -- This dog's life / J.P. Lacrampe -- Why I write about dogs / Susan Conant -- What my dog has eaten lately / Bonnie Jo Campbell -- Canine films currently in production / Brian Frazer -- Strange bedfellows / Kinky Friedman -- Doggy love / Scot Bradfield -- How to raise and train your mini-berger-with-cheese-doodle / Georgia Getz -- Something extremely important / Merrill Markoe -- 13 questions / Susan Miller -- By fifteen minutes / Melissa Holbrook Pierson -- Joni Mitchell never lies / Marc Spitz -- Carolina's in heat and I'm not / Abigail Thomas -- Bone alone / Rob McKenzie -- Part pooch, or: more than an act / David Smilow -- Do you take this Norwegian Elkhound? / Alysia Gray Painter -- Becky has two daddies / Robert Masello -- Can we interest you in a piece of cheese? / Alison Pace -- One-on-one with Triumph the insult comic dog / Catie Lazarus -- A gentleman's ideal companion / Dave Barry -- Excerpts from great books in the canine canon / Francis Heaney -- One step out of the dog house / Frank Gannon -- Seven days of Finny / Ann Brashares -- Newman / Thomas Cooney -- Dogma / Neva Chonin -- Let the heeling begin / Bill Scheft -- Recently retired Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan warns his new puppy against " irrational exuberance" / Michael Ward -- Kill Jerry / Anthony Head -- The dinner party: a screen treatment / Erica Schoenberger and Melissa Webb Wright -- She who must be obeyed / Tom Gliatto -- Our twelfth labor / Ben Brashares -- Pyr pressure / Franz Lidz -- Tool: retractable dog leash $10.95-$39.95 / Jeff Steinbrink -- A dog for all seasons / Patrick F. McManus -- How to housebreak your dog / Mark Newgarden -- Canine Einstein? / John Warner -- Seven protective Popeyes / George Singleton -- An open letter from Miss Ruby to her problem owner / J.F. Englert -- Pet quality / Andi Zeisler -- No wonder they call me a bitch / Ann Hodgman -- Leave some for me, Fido / Rebecca Rose Jacobs -- Dog is my co-dependent / Meghan Daum.