Nightlight : a parody

About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him–which I assumed was wildly out of his control–that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon ’s hilarious send-up of Twilight . Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events–Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!–Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive? Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places. About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him--which I assumed was wildly out of his control--that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me. And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon's hilarious send-up of Twilight. Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events--Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!--Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.From the Trade Paperback edition. A Parody Of The Enormously Successful Twilight Series. First Look -- Rescue -- Hand Prick -- Researches -- Shopping -- Woods -- The Mullens -- The Cemetery -- Invitation -- Vampire Prom -- Rightful Place. The Harvard Lampoon. A Vintage Original -- T.p. Verso. In this parody of the popular Twilight series, gawky, vampire-obsessed Belle determines that computer nerd Edwart is not only her soul mate, but also a vampire, and sets out to find a way to get him to bite her so they can spend eternity together. A parody of Stephenie Meyer's "Twilight, " in which Belle Goose falls in love with a nerdy vampire named Edwart Mullen who she tries to convince to turn her into one of his kind, and runs into trouble when she realizes he finds girls repulsive A parody of the enormously successful Twilight series, "Nightlight" offers a sparkling, sharp-toothed tale of pubescent vampires and the pasty girl who loves them.