Anger Management for Dummies

If your anger, or that of a loved one, is out of control and threatening your life and livelihood, you need the calm, clear, and understanding help you’ll find in Anger Management For Dummies. This concise and practical guidebook shares specific anger management methods, skills, and exercises that will help you identify the sources of your anger and release yourself from their grip. You’ll find out how to: Defuse your anger before it strikes Express your feelings calmly Respond rather than react Prevent anger incidents in the future Release healthy anger in a healthy way Confess your anger in a journal Use anger constructively Get beyond old anger through forgiveness Complete with coverage of road rage, air rage, office rage, and dealing with angry children, Anger Management for Dummies gives you the tools you need to overcome your anger and live a happier, more productive life. Author’s Acknowledgments 7 Contents at a Glance 9 Table of Contents 11 Introduction 21 About This Book 21 Conventions Used in This Book 23 What You’re Not to Read 23 Foolish Assumptions 24 How This Book Is Organized 24 Icons Used in This Book 26 Where to Go from Here 27 Chapter 1: Anger: The Universal Emotion 31 Dispelling Common Anger Myths 31 Understanding the Role of Emotions in Your Life 33 Getting the Help You Need 34 You’ll Know When You’re There 36 Chapter 2: When Is Anger a Problem? 37 Evaluating How Angry You Are 38 Figuring Out Whether Your Anger Is Toxic 40 Calculating the Risks of Toxic Anger 43 Chapter 3: Is Anger Poisoning Your Life? 51 Robbing Your Energy 52 Making You Ill 53 Sabotaging Your Career 61 Ruining Your Marriage 65 Affecting the Health of Those You Care About 66 Chapter 4: Taking Immediate Action 71 Drawing the Line — the Sooner the Better 71 Settling for Just Being Annoyed 73 Understanding Why Your Fuse Is So Short 74 Lengthening Your Fuse 75 Sometimes It Pays to Feel Guilty 78 Distraction Works 78 Chapter 5: Speaking Out in Anger 85 Forget Venting 86 Expressing Your Anger Effectively 87 It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It 92 Chapter 6: Keeping Your Cool 95 Choose to Respond Rather Than React 96 Assessing Your Anger 100 Be Patient 101 Take a Deep Breath 102 Ask Yourself Four Crucial Questions 104 What Are My Options? 105 Go Ahead and Respond 108 Now Reward Yourself 109 Chapter 7: Adopting a New Perspective 113 Anger Is in the Eye of the Beholder 114 Accepting Life for What It Is, Not What It Should Be 117 Becoming More Tolerant 118 Figuring Out Where Hostility and Resentment Come From 122 When in Doubt, Be Assertive 124 Chapter 8: Saying What You Feel 125 Why Hiding Your Emotions Isn’t Healthy 125 Being Civil Doesn’t Always Mean Being Nice 128 Stop Having Issues and Start Having Feelings 130 Walking Away and Still Having Your Say 132 Chapter 9: Confessing Your Anger 135 Confession: It’s Good for What Ails You 136 Who Can Benefit from Confessing 137 Understanding the Difference between a Diary and a Journal 140 Telling Your Story Your Way 141 Chapter 10: Becoming a Type B 149 Moving Beyond Type A 150 Acquiring Wisdom 159 Finding the Right Environmental Fit 161 Chapter 11: Using Anger Constructively 163 Making Anger Your Ally 163 Exploring the Motives behind Your Anger 168 Using Anger to Understand Yourself 170 Constructive Anger 171 What Goes Around Comes Around 178 Chapter 12: Why Is Letting Go So Difficult? 181 Digging Out from Anger 181 Living without Resolution 189 Time’s Up: When to Let Go 189 Chapter 13: Forgiving 191 Forgiveness Is Never Easy 192 Choosing to Forgive 194 Doing a Cost-Benefit Analysis 196 Accepting the Finality of Being Wronged 198 Chapter 14: Managing Stress 203 Distinguishing Stress from Strain 204 Staying Away from Stress Carriers 205 Identifying the Sources of Your Stress 206 Knowing Which Types of Stress Are Toxic 208 Avoiding Burnout 211 Discovering How to Be Hardy 213 Coping with Stress: What Works and What Doesn’t 217 Chapter 15: Managing Your Chemistry 219 Just Because It’s Legal Doesn’t Make It Healthy 219 How Much Is Too Much? 222 Keeping Track of Your Substance Use 224 Eliminating Your Favorite Cigarette 226 Counting Your Caffeine 227 Adopting a New Drinking Style 227 Chapter 16: Adding Balance to Your Life 231 Counterbalancing Stress 231 Creating Healthy Pleasure 234 Go with the Flow 236 Maintaining Meaningful Social Ties 238 Understanding Why Your Life Is Unbalanced 240 Making Self a Priority 243 Chapter 17: Getting a Good Night’s Sleep 247 Understanding What Sleep Does for You 247 Knowing How Much Is Enough 249 Rating the Quality of Your Sleep 250 Improving the Quality of Your Sleep 252 Chapter 18: Looking to a Higher Power 261 Reaching Up rather than Out 261 Using Faith as a Weapon 262 Praying Prayers of Gratitude 264 Practicing Compassion 265 Being Humble — It Helps 267 Having a Blessed Day 268 Chapter 19: Staying in a Good Mood 271 E-lim-inate the Negative: Maintaining a Positive Mood 272 When Your Mood Becomes a Problem 277 The Anger-Depression Link 279 Fixing the Problem 281 Chapter 20: At Work 291 Recognizing Counterproductive Work Behavior 292 Knowing Where to Look 296 Improving Your Negotiating Skills 300 Creating a Positive Work Environment 300 Making Civility the Norm 303 Speaking Up, Not Out 305 Chapter 21: At Home 307 It Takes Two to Tango: Avoiding Angry Dialogues 308 Managing Anger from the Top Down 309 Choosing the Unfamiliar: Changing Your Family’s Patterns 311 Looking at Your Parenting Style 312 The Power of One 316 Chapter 22: In Intimate Relationships 321 The Loving-but-Angry Relationship 322 If You’re the Angry Loved One 326 If You’re on the Receiving End of a Loved One’s Anger 330 Chapter 23: Ten Ways to Raise a Non-Angry Child 339 Being an Emotional Coach 339 Starting Early and Talking Back 342 Creating Teachable Moments 342 Being a Positive Role Model 343 Putting the “I” in Emotion 345 Labeling Feelings Appropriately 345 Identifying Causes 346 Teaching Problem Solving 347 Choosing the Third Alternative 348 Learning the Difference between Wanting and Getting 349 Chapter 24: Ten Ways to Combat Road Rage 351 Don’t Rush 351 Loosen Your Grip 352 Focus on the Journey rather than the Destination 353 Be the Other Driver 353 Take the “I” out of Driver 354 Look on the Bright Side 354 Repeat after Me: They Are Not the Enemy 355 Stop Catastrophizing 356 Stop Being So Rational 357 Settle for Just Being Irritated 357 Chapter 25: Ten Anger-Freeing Thoughts 359 No One — Absolutely No One — Can Make You Angry without Your Consent 359 Anger Boomerangs — And So Does Love 360 It’s Only Money 360 Other People Are Not the Enemy 361 Life Isn’t Fair — Not Even at the Top 361 Energy Is a Terrible Thing to Waste 362 Don’t Kid Yourself: We’re All Bozos 363 This Isn’t the Hill You Want to Die On 363 There’s Nothing You Can Achieve in Anger That You Can’t Achieve without It 363 When You’re Dealing with People, You’re Not Entitled to a Damn Thing! 364 Index 367

If youranger, or that of a loved one, is out of control and threatening your life and livelihood, you need the calm, clear, and understanding help you’ll find in Anger Management For Dummies. This concise and practical guidebook shares specific anger management methods, skills, and exercises that will help you identify the sources of youranger and release yourself from their grip. You’ll find out how to:

• Defuse youranger before it strikes
• Express your feelings calmly
• Respond rather than react
• Prevent anger incidents in the future
• Release healthy anger in a healthy way
• Confess youranger in a journal
• Use anger constructively
• Get beyond old anger through forgiveness

Complete with coverage of road rage, air rage, office rage, and dealing with angry children, Anger Management for Dummies gives you the tools you need to overcome youranger and live a happier, more productive life.

This friendly guide explains how to disengage from rage--and deal with anger constructively. Written for people with anger problems and their loved ones, the book shows how to analyze anger triggers, helps people understand what they re feeling and what they're doing during angry outbursts, and explores the effects of anger on families, coworkers, and health. Packed with illuminating case histories, it details a host of practical, proven techniques for thwarting anger, dealing with angry feelings, and forgiving. (Midwest) These days, anger is all the rage: 80 percent of drivers have been involved in road rage incidents, 65 percent of office workers have experienced office rage, and the FAA reported a 400 percent increase in air rage incidents between 1997 and 2000. This friendly guide explains how to disengage from rage--;and deal with anger constructively.